Felix & Leila’s wedding ceremony


(Note: Iain is the marriage commissioner.)

Iain calls for attention, announces that laughter will be tolerated, etc.

(Hold hands)

Felix: “Do you trust me?”

Leila: “With my life. Everything is going to be alright.”

Felix: “Now that you’re here.”



We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Felix and Leila.

The idea of being formally married wasn't initially one they liked, but it seemed the only way they could spend their lives together. They decided it was worth it.

As they got used to the idea, it turned from a government-placating way to allow one to live in the other's country, into that and a meaningful expression of their commitment to each other.

Felix and Leila,

Today your lives are about to change

Today you change from “I” to “WE”

Today your journey as single people ends

Today you add a new statement as a reference

“Before we were married”

Although the definition of love doesn’t change, marriage is a supreme sharing of experience, and an adventure in the most intimate of human relationships. Marriage takes trust, dedication and most importantly it takes friendship.

A friend to share life’s laughter, joy and sorrow; a partner to support, encourage, applaud and console you. A lover to respect and cherish you always.

Today as you look into each other’s eyes, you each know how to see into the other’s heart and the abundance of love that is yours.

Today the smiles you exchange acknowledge that both of you recognize that the true art of married life is the journey itself.

Let you walk the path of your lives together, side by side, hand in hand and heart to heart.


The first time I saw you, you came through the door looking like a timid cat in a new environment.

I did not know then whether I would bed you, but I did know that I could understand you.

We’ve since become much more than the friends we were then, and it’s been wonderful and comfortable — we’ve not so much fallen in love as chosen to carefully step in it.


We didn't start in a conventional way. Five thousand miles between us, and still we met and fell in love. We consciously chose our relationship — built it on a foundation of shared values, humour, respect, and affection — and I cherish it more than I can explain. You're one of the most beautiful things in my life, and you make sense to me in a way that no-one else does.


Today we show the community, formally and legally, what is already in our hearts.

I like you, I love you, I enjoy you, dear female.

When I remember the many nights I've spent alone, you are the one I most want to ease them.

I take you as my mate.

I entrust you with the use of my family name and my genetic material.

You are mine.


I want to spend a lifetime with you. I won't say I want to grow old with you, because I'm not bothered about the 'old' bit, but I do want to grow with you, and to build a family with you. I have faith in us; enough to move to this strange land and make my home with you.

Today, I give you my family name and entrust you with my future.

You are mine.


I want to be with you, share my territory with you, and keep you warm at night.

Someday I want to breed with you, and raise any children you want to keep.

I will eat the things that frighten you, and share with you the things that don’t.

From this day forward I will direct my farts away from you, and I guess you can redecorate my house if you want.


I promise to do my best to ignore your mayonnaise-eating tendencies, and to glower over my glasses at you in a chastising manner on at least a daily basis.

I will hold you when barnacles are making you feel insecure. I won't promise to keep my cold feet away from your back, but I can promise that, if you lick me and I wipe your saliva into your hair, it will be in a loving way.

I'm keeping you, boycreature.

(Forced page break & overt page-turn by Iain)

Leila: I promise that I will try to be my best

Felix: and that I will honour you with love and respect.

Leila: If we fall out of synch, I'll work with you

Both: to regain our rapport.

Both: I will bring you chocolate, share my life and loves with you, and avoid temptations to murder you —

and if I ever break with you, I promise:

Felix: You’ll be awake,

Leila: you’ll be facing me,

Felix: and you’ll be armed.

Iain: Groom, will you cause her pain?

Felix: I may.

Iain: Is that your intent?

Felix: No.

Iain: Bride, will you cause him pain?

Leila: I may.

Iain: Is that your intent?

Leila: No.

Iain: Will you share each other's pain and seek to ease it?

Both: We will.

Legal bits:

Iain: Felix, repeat after me:

I solemnly declare that I do not know of any lawful impediment why I, Felix [full name], may not be joined in matrimony to Leila [full name].

Iain: Leila, repeat after me:

I solemnly declare that I do not know of any lawful impediment why I, Leila [full name], may not be joined in matrimony to Felix [full name].

Felix: I call on those present to witness that I, Felix [full name], take Leila [full name] to be my lawful wedded wife.

Leila: I call on those present to witness that I, Leila [full name], take Felix [full name] to be my lawful wedded husband.

(ring-exchange thumb war:

Ring-bearers hand us our rings, which we hold in our right hands.

We join our left hands, at first seriously, then grin mischievously and break into a thumb war. The loser says, “I surrender,” relaxes their hand, and the winner then places the ring onto it.

The loser then rings the winner.

Winner and loser are not predetermined; we seemed fairly evenly matched when we tried it, so it could go either way.)


By the authority vested in me by the Province of British Columbia, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.